Misogyny and Control Over Narratives in Indian Workplaces

“I will not tell you. It will mess up your judgement.”

This was the dismissive reply a woman received from a male colleague when she sought clarity about rumours and narratives being circulated about her character within their team. The statement wasn’t just patronising—it was controlling, condescending, and emblematic of how some men in workplaces try to dominate women, not just through actions but also by controlling how they are perceived.

This incident, which occurred in an Indian workplace, sheds light on a deeper problem: the deliberate marginalisation of women by controlling narratives about their character, integrity, and professional conduct. It’s a tactic rooted in misogyny and power dynamics, and it thrives in environments where gender equity and mutual respect are absent.

The Power of Narratives: Control and Marginalisation

Narratives hold immense power in shaping perceptions, especially in workplaces. Gossip and rumours—particularly about women—can have devastating consequences. These stories often centre on:

Character Assassination: Casting doubt on a woman’s morals or personal life.
Professional Integrity: Questioning her competence or motivations.
Relationship Dynamics: Speculating about her interactions with colleagues, often inappropriately.

For women, these narratives are not just about office chatter; they are attacks on their professional identity. What makes it worse is when male colleagues—who often hold positions of influence—refuse to confront these rumours or provide transparency, using excuses like, “It will mess up your judgement.”

This behaviour is not only patronising but also a deliberate exercise of control. By withholding information, they maintain power over how women are perceived and limit their ability to defend themselves.

Misogyny Disguised as Concern

Statements like, “I will not tell you, it will mess up your judgement,” are framed as concern but are deeply misogynistic. Here’s what they imply:

"You are too emotional to handle the truth."
"You lack the objectivity to confront these issues."
"I am in charge of deciding what you should or shouldn’t know."

This behaviour reflects benevolent sexism, which may appear as an attempt to "protect" women but actually undermines their autonomy and agency.

Why Women Are Targeted

Psychological and cultural factors explain why women are disproportionately subjected to such rumours and gatekeeping:

Patriarchal Conditioning: Women who are assertive, successful, or vocal are often seen as threats to the traditional order, leading to attempts to discredit them.
Control Through Gossip: By spreading or controlling narratives, individuals (often men) assert dominance and create an environment of mistrust, isolating women from their peers.
Gender Bias: Women are more likely to have their personal lives scrutinised and judged, especially in societies where traditional gender roles still hold significant sway.

A True Story from an Indian Workplace

In this instance, the woman knew rumours about her were circulating among the team but was deliberately kept in the dark. When she confronted a male colleague, his response—“I will not tell you, it will mess up your judgement”—exemplified the paternalistic, controlling attitude that many women face.

Instead of addressing the issue or helping resolve it, he dismissed her concerns, effectively silencing her and denying her the opportunity to challenge or clarify the narratives being spread about her.

This is not an isolated incident. Many women in Indian workplaces face similar challenges:

Being labelled as "difficult" or "ambitious" for asserting themselves.
Having their achievements downplayed or attributed to unfair advantages.
Being ostracised based on baseless rumours, often linked to their personal lives.

The Psychological Impact on Women

Such behaviour has a profound impact on women’s mental health and professional growth:

Erosion of Confidence: Constant attacks on character and integrity can lead to self-doubt.
Isolation: Controlling narratives alienates women from their colleagues, reducing their support network.
Career Stagnation: Negative perceptions—whether true or false—can influence promotion decisions and opportunities.

What the Data Says

According to a 2020 LinkedIn report, 85% of Indian women believe they have been overlooked for promotions or opportunities due to gender bias.
A study by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) found that women in India are disproportionately affected by workplace gossip and rumours, often linked to stereotypes about their roles and behaviour.

Breaking the Cycle: What Needs to Change

Addressing such issues requires systemic and cultural change. Here are some actionable steps:

Transparency in Communication: Workplaces must encourage open, honest discussions and discourage withholding information under the guise of "protection."
Addressing Gossip and Rumours: Organisations should adopt zero-tolerance policies towards gossip, especially when it targets employees’ personal lives or integrity.
Awareness and Sensitivity Training: Educating employees about unconscious bias, misogyny, and the power dynamics of controlling narratives can help create a healthier environment.
Empowering Women: Providing women with platforms to address grievances and challenge unfair perceptions is critical to fostering equity.
Accountability: Leadership must actively hold individuals accountable for perpetuating misogyny, whether through direct actions or passive complicity.

The Role of Allies

Men in workplaces play a vital role in dismantling these toxic behaviours. Instead of gatekeeping or silencing women, they must:

Support women in addressing issues and confronting false narratives.
Challenge sexist attitudes and behaviours among colleagues.
Advocate for equal treatment and respect in professional spaces.

A Call to Action

The statement “I will not tell you, it will mess up your judgement” may seem small, but it represents a much larger issue: the deliberate marginalisation of women through control, condescension, and the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes.

If you are a woman facing such challenges, know that your voice matters. Speak up, seek allies, and demand accountability. If you are a bystander, challenge these behaviours and advocate for a culture of respect and equity. Together, we can create workplaces where no one has to fight for the dignity and respect they inherently deserve.

It is time to reclaim the narrative.